Nil By Mouth

I am not a fatty.

Denial is the first step I believe...

But seriously. By the mainstream standard, I doubt I would be considered fat.
Out of shape? Definitely.
But in the fine words of Dr Suess:
I'm in great shape for the shape I'm in!(sic)

So I know I'm not fat, but I know I'm out of shape.
I would be happier in myself should I lose weight and shape up.

I rarely do anything to myself to please anyone else.
I get tattoos because I think they're pretty.
I stretch my ear lobes because I like the look.
I wear make up, straighten my hair and wear nice clothes because it makes me feel good.

I don't believe you should ever do anything to yourself because you think it will please someone else.
But I am a firm believer in self pride.
I think girls should tidy themselves up and make an effort to look pretty, for themselves.
Because having respect for oneself is a virtue.
You don't have to paint on your face or wear a cocktail dress every morning.
But for gods sake.
Put on some mascara, brush your hair, wear a skirt.
You owe it to yourself to show others that you have pride in your appearance.
People will look at your differently.
People will treat you differently.
In a good way!
Because if you don't show respect for yourself then surely you can't have much respect of any one or thing else?
And it's the same for guys.
Pull up your pants, have a shave and put on some fucken deodorant.
You male lot don't try hard enough.
Due to perpetual gender discrimination it's usually not as influential in your day to day life.
But a lot of you smell gross and are no fun to look at. (A lot, not all, my boyfriend for example, he smells and looks delightful and shout out to some of the boys in the office for having fantastic cologne. And some of you aren't not good looking also.)

Self pride is a big thing to me.
It comes from working as a makeup artist.
I would watch people transform in front of my eyes.
In all senses of the word.
I put make up on them and they would leave that shop a different person.
They would be ecstatic about their new look.
How is that a bad thing!
Think about how much happier you'd be in life if you looked in the mirror in the morning and went
"I look gooood... Hey everybody... Come see how good I look today!" (name that movie)
I mean, your job might be shit but at least you look good! ...Story of my life.

Ok so obviously life isn't so superficial, and to be aesthetically pleasing does not result in inner happiness.
But I'm just saying... It's one less thing to worry about if you're happy with the outside.
And that just about brings me back to my starting note.
My life is pretty amazing.
But there are minor adjustments I could make to make it even better.

When it comes to weight, I believe that unless you are going to do something about it, then you have no right to whinge about being a fat ass.
So rarely do I say anything about my weight.
I have the odd girl moment and once in a while will have a pout about feeling fat.
And my family take great pleasure in calling me fat (I give as good as I get).
But generally speaking, I know I have nothing to complain about.

I don't eat terribly, but I'm not overly healthy and when it comes to exercise, well, that's non existent.
But just this weekend my cousin has informed me of this "diet" she's gone on.
She's lost 5kg in a WEEK!

(I'm not a spam bot I swear. You want happy pills to make you junk bigger? I send you, you give me back account and pin number!)

This appeals to me.

So I'm going to give it a go.
I'll take measurements and weigh myself and then I'll let you know how it goes.

So join me, fatties!

We can get awesome together.

We'll eat celery sticks and take too many laxatives!
It'll be fun!

So here's to feeling pretty and confident!


Life lesson number whatever:

Nothing tastes as good as skinny feels.